Introducing Sillygisms

What is a sillygism? 

It’s exactly like a syllogism but silly.

What is a syllogism?

In philosophy, a syllogism is a logical argument that virgin dorks use to annoy their coworkers. It’s boring philosophical dribble intended to make us think they are smarter than us. Sometimes they even use latin words like “modus ponens” (which probably translates to medium penis) and “modus tollens” (medium tits?), leaving the rest of us confused and/or ready for a nap. However, they do work.

Here’s an example of an incredibly boring syllogism that uses dull premises to lead to an uninteresting conclusion:

Premise 1 (P1): All boring men read trigonometry text books.

Premise 2 (P2): Socrates is a boring man.

Conclusion (C): Socrates reads trigonometry textbooks.

Wake up! We almost lost you there. Even though this logical syllogism made your eyelids heavy, this kind of argument is very strong. If you agree with the premises laid out, the conclusion must follow.

Now, to avoid the feeling of having a philosophical chloroformed rag wrapped around your face, we have the smelling salts of discourse: Sillygisms!

They still prove your points, but are more entertaining and 70% more likely (citation needed) to include a joke good enough to make you laugh so loud that you’ll get a few funny looks from the other people on the bus (especially because you’re the bus driver)(please stop reading this website and look at the fucking road).

Example of a sillygism:

P1: Socrates will always dip his toes in delicious garlic butter when given the opportunity.

P2: Socrates has the opportunity to dip his toes in some delicious garlic butter.

Conclusion (C): Them toes is coated in delicious garlic butter, for sure.

Did you notice the part where Socrates dipped his toes in delicious garlic butter? That’s really silly. It raises fun questions like:

  • Why is Socrates dipping his toes in delicious garlic butter?
  • Will someone be sucking the delicious garlic butter off of his toes?
  • Should I be dipping my toes in delicious garlic butter?

Maybe you should, but one thing we know for sure: Socrates is not reading a trigonometry textbook.

Here you are, wide awake, comically stimulated, melting some butter in the microwave, and you’ve learned something undeniable: If Socrates did always dip his toes in delicious garlic butter when given the opportunity and he happened to have the opportunity, it would just logically follow that he would have delicious garlic butter all up in those supple, ancient foot fingers. 

Now that we have this fun and effective tool, we will be applying powerful, but never pompous sillygisms to the silly notion of God. Which brings us to another made up word. God.

What is God?

It’s exactly like a myth, but taken seriously (even though it is actually quite silly).

For thousands of years, the general public has been duped into thinking the belief in God is not silly by professional theologians who try to legitimize it by making up all sorts of things, even serious sounding words like “theology”. But simply adding the suffix “ology” to a word doesn’t make it real. For example:

  • Demonology – The scientific study of demons, evil spirits, and toilet Djinns
  • Fairyology – The scientific study of fairies (Tooth, et al.).
  • Kriskringology – The scientific study of Santa Claus and flying reindeer.

Obviously, these are all nonsense, but theologians are crafty like snakes with their apologetics. Apologetics are just word games designed to trick you into thinking God makes sense. The only way to cut through their sleight of hand is going to be with sillygisms. Deconstructing religion is never easy. Believers have a wall of indoctrination built around them and, like Jericho, these Sillygims will show you how to march around the wall 7 times, blow trumpets of reason at the Christian, and watch those walls come a-tumbling down (the story of Jericho is also nonsense).

For dozens of decades, professional atheists have tried to debunk Christianity. Voltaire, Hitchens, that teapot in space guy. They all failed because they were too serious. Normal folks, like us, won’t take the time to read their boring dissertations. Normies need sillygisms.

All sillygisms are crafted by
the creators of Bad Bible Hub


Joel van Vliet

Mezzo Watts
email: jezzo@badbiblehub.com
Click here to browse all of our Sillygisms