LIPs
Here's a simple list with 15 of the worst Bible passages. Try to reconcile them. You can't!
God Kills Innocent Animals with a Flood | Genesis 7:21-23
“And all flesh died that moved on the earth, birds, domestic animals, wild animals, all swarming creatures that swarm on the earth, and all human beings; everything on dry land in whose nostrils was the breath of life died.”
Notice how “domestic animals” are killed? God drowned kittens and puppies for the sins of humans. Not cool.
God Kills Firstborn of Innocent Female Slaves | Exodus 11:5
“Every firstborn in the land of Egypt shall die, from the firstborn of Pharaoh who sits on his throne to the firstborn of the female slave who is behind the handmill.”
We can all agree that the Pharaoh sucked, but did the innocent children of random Egyptian slaves suck? Seems like God could have had better aim with this slaughter.
God Commands Burning Women Alive as Punishment for Sex | Leviticus 21:9
“When the daughter of a priest profanes herself through prostitution, she shall be burned to death.”
Yikes. Bible tried to answer the age-old question of “when is it okay to set a woman on fire?” and got it way wrong.
God Condones Slavery | Leviticus 25:44-46
“As for the male and female slaves whom you may have, it is from the nations around you that you may acquire them. They may be your property. You may keep them as a possession for your children after you, for them to inherit as property. These you may treat as slaves.”
Whoopsie. It turns out that owning people as property isn’t good. This was a bumbling blunder on God’s part.
God Commands Conquest and Plundering of Women and Children | Deuteronomy 20:10-14
“When you draw near to a town to fight against it, offer it terms of peace. If it accepts your terms of peace and surrenders to you, then all the people in it shall serve you at forced labor. But if it does not accept your terms of peace and makes war against you, then you shall besiege it, and when the Lord your God gives it into your hand, you shall put all its males to the sword. You may, however, take as your plunder the women, the children, livestock, and everything else in the town, all its spoil. You may enjoy the spoil of your enemies, which the Lord your God has given you.”
Genocide, misogyny, stealing, war crimes, slavery, murder all wrapped up in one passage. Calm down, God.
God Suggests Forced Marriage and Rape of Captive Women | Deuteronomy 21:11-13
“Suppose you see among the captives a beautiful woman whom you desire and want to marry, and so you bring her home to your house. She shall shave her head, pare her nails, discard her captive’s garb, and remain in your house a full month mourning for her father and mother. After that you may go in to her and be her husband, and she shall be your wife.”
Believe it or not, even though the men did just murder her whole family, it’s still wrong to sexually assault her.
God Commands Horse Torture | Joshua 11:6
“And the Lord said to Joshua, “Do not be afraid of them, for tomorrow at this time I will hand over all of them, slain, to Israel; you shall hamstring their horses and burn their chariots with fire.””
All of the bad guys are completely dead from murder and then after all that God requests the horses be mutilated in a torturous way. Why? Because he is nuts.
God Commands Infanticide | 1 Samuel 15:2-3
“Thus says the Lord, ‘I will punish the Amalekites for what they did in opposing the Israelites when they came up out of Egypt. Now go and utterly destroy all that they have. Do not spare them, but kill both man and woman, child and infant, ox and sheep, camel and donkey.'”
Toddler slaughter.
God Threatens People with Baby Murder and Rape | Isaiah 13:15-16
“Whoever is found will be thrust through and whoever is caught will fall by the sword. Their infants will be dashed to pieces before their eyes. Their houses will be plundered and their wives raped.”
In a book littered with inconsistencies, God is consistently pure evil.
God Threatens Cannibalism | Jeremiah 19:9
“And I will make them eat the flesh of their sons and the flesh of their daughters, and all shall eat the flesh of their neighbors in the siege and in the distress with which their enemies and those who seek their life afflict them.”
Did you notice how God said he is going to drive people to cannibalize their own children in this verse? If you missed it, check again and read closely.
God Threatens to Kill Children and Pregnant Women | Hosea 13:16
“Samaria shall bear her guilt because she has rebelled against her God. They shall fall by the sword. Their little ones shall be dashed in pieces and their pregnant women ripped open.”
All those Christian pro-lifers hate this verse which is a direct quote from God.
Jesus Makes a Man Blind Just to Show Off Later | John 9:1-3
“As he walked along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, ‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?’ Jesus answered, ‘Neither this man nor his parents sinned; he was born blind so that God’s works might be revealed in him.'”
The entire reason he was blinded by God at birth was for God to brag later that he could fix it. Was that the best trick this omni-flunk could come up with?
God Kills Couple for Keeping Money from the Church | Acts 5:1-11
“A man named Ananias, with the consent of his wife Sapphira, sold a piece of property. With his wife’s knowledge, he kept back some of the proceeds. Peter said, “You did not lie to us but to God!” When Ananias heard these words, he fell down and died. After three hours his wife came in, not knowing what had happened. Peter said to her, “Look, the feet of those who have buried your husband are at the door, and they will carry you out.” Immediately she fell down at his feet and died.”
This one is neat because it happened after the New Covenant started. Jesus came, forgave our sins, died, came back, and floated away to heaven, but then shortly after God is back to his old tricks of killing people for minor infractions like not giving every single penny to the church.
Blatant Misogyny | 1 Timothy 2:11-14
“Let a woman learn in silence with full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she is to keep silent. For Adam was formed first, then Eve, and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor.”
Paul, God’s newest messenger, brings this idea out while they are really creating the religion. There are several verses like this in the New Testament that all really suck.
Jesus Killed Nonbelievers | Jude 1:5
“Now I desire to remind you, though you are fully informed, once and for all, that Jesus, who saved a people out of the land of Egypt, afterward destroyed those who did not believe.”
Deep in the New Testament we get this throwback to the old days when God killed more people, but now they are confirming that God was really Jesus all along. And he would have gotten away with it, too, if weren’t for those meddling Bible authors.
Still believe this God guy is good? Here's more to consider.
